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Let's be honest, we've got a lot coming at us. It's easy, and quite understandable, to see all the organized efforts to paint us as depraved beings and come to the conclusion that the entire world is against us. The vigilantes want to trap us and ruin our lives. Laws are constantly being written to legislate us out of society; some even want to criminalize our very thoughts. At the best, we are seen as delusional or the butt of a joke. When the world is against you, it makes you question yourself. We are social creatures and unless you are a complete sociopath, the feelings and opinions of others matter to us. It is said that everyone is the hero of their own story, but when everyone is saying you are the villain, we begin to adjust our story to compensate. If the pressure from society is strong and constant enough, we begin to adopt their point of view so that we can once again be a good person. To me, it has become clear that this is increasingly taking over our community. I'm sure there have always been elements of our community that have internalized negative opinions about their attraction. Perhaps I lack historical context, but I have been doing quite a bit of reading and listening to audio from even as recent as 15–20 years ago, and I find the attitudes to be astoundingly different and refreshingly confident. Even though we were still criminalized, more people seemed sure about the positive aspects of boylove and willing to challenge the language used by popular culture to describe us. I am trying to not make this an "us" vs. "them" argument, but I am trying to assess the situation truthfully. It has become popular in our community to use hateful language to describe pro-contact boylovers. All of the negative opinions of society are used by our own community to describe us. Abuser, molester, harmful, delusional, and on and on... The worst part is that many anti-contact boylovers have begged for the sympathy of popular culture in an effort to make themselves the "hero" once again. They use the language of their own haters in an attempt to say "We're not like them!" By all appearances they have fully embraced the negative messaging they have been sold. The one refrain that I find particularly damaging and strikingly intellectually dishonest is "Any sexual activity between and adult and minor is by definition harmful." Adjacent to this idea is similarly, "No child could ever desire a sexual relationship with an adult. All such relationships are a manipulation on the part of the adult." There have been some academic research showing that when minors choose to have sexual contact with an adult it is positive or at most a neutral experience, but such research is shunned and shut down by those who don't want that to be known. There are mountains of informal research that confirm beneficial sexual contact between an adult and a minor is possible. I would never say that someone didn't experience an emotion or that their trauma does not exist. However, it's important to look honestly at causes and effects. The fact, however much we're not alowed to say it, is that there are relationships between adults and minors that are harmful and there are relationships that are positive. Why can't anti-contact boylovers be honest about this? Why must they recite the dogma that "sex is harmful to minors in all situations" and demonize us for our honesty. Why are we not allowed the respect of asking, "What makes one sexual experience harmful for a child and another sexual experience positive?" I had many sexual experiences as a child and the experiences are fond memories. It was only the perceived opinions of others that caused any discomfort. I know I am not the only one! Furthermore, why are we not allowed to question whether all the hysteria around man/boy relationships might be causing some harm? I, for one, am not ashamed to be pro-contact. I am unapologetic about the positive and benevolent aspects of boylove. If someone wants to call me a monster for being willing to question the unquestionable then so be it! They want to frame the conversation so that my only possible motive can be to cause harm to a vulnerable child. I reject your framing. If you are a part of the community and think it's more important to curry favor with our haters than to extend some respect and understanding to your brother, then you have fallen into a disgraceful condition. I don't mean that in a vengeful way. I am willing to understand how confusing this world can be. I am willing to understand how all the hate coming at us could lead you to a place of wanting love and acceptance. However, there is no excuse for you not being willing to do the same for the rest of us. The world could stand to benefit from a lot more proud boylovers! |